How much of a lucky person I ultimately am. How valuable these experiences are even if they were difficult. As I write this and reminisce, tears of emotion and gratitude well up in my eyes. This is material for a book or documentary. It's a different world. It's essentially one vast tropical forest with clearings for peculiar towns, unlike those in Europe. I have to restrain myself from elaborating too much. The most interesting and valuable thing I saw there were seemingly poor people having exactly nothing at all living in a poor village in wooden boxes—just a few boards nailed together. Yet, in a certain aspect, they were richer than millionaires and successful people we admire on magazine covers. They lived in the moment, happy and healthy, and the greatest value was living together in a large family, with a baby alongside its great-grandfather. These people were so natural, so sincere. It wasn't a show for tourists. I was treated like one of them, like part of the family and their regular life at that time. There were spontaneous ceremonies, joy from music, drumming, dancing, singing, and just being together. However, my healing process wasn't at all what I expected. I spoke with many people whom this plant simply cured overnight, putting them in a state of happiness. I expected that the next day I would be able to turn on the camera and present myself to the world as a host of an internet travel show, an amazing singer greater than Freddie Mercury, that it would happen as if by pressing another magical button. Instead, I found myself in immense suffering. I experienced the worst moments of my depression again, where I was simply detached from any hope and sense of control over my mind. I felt helpless, that nothing could help me anymore. There was so much negativity within me. Everything bothered me: the temperature, mosquitoes, ants, the crooked floor, the uncomfortable bed, the music. At one point, I even unloaded my frustration on my translator, who had been so wonderful and supportive to me (the next day, when it passed, I apologized to everyone, obviously).

And I cried a lot out of this sense of hopelessness, whereas before, I couldn't shed a tear for years to release even a bit of the frozen sadness within me. I longed to be with my family, my mom, and grandma, because I realized that they are my greatest assets in my life. But these states passed, and I felt better. I ended up in these states to finally confront them. I didn't have access to my fear, frustration, anger, and sense of hopelessness, not even knowing it was within me for so long, remaining “comfortably numb” as in the Pink Floyd song. It was partially released from me in this way. It didn't completely heal me, but it healed so much within me, and I am so grateful for that. But It was rather a difficult experience.

When I was back in Europe and landed in Prague, I already felt much better. The weather seemed beautiful, spring-like, and the city was charming. I spent two nights in an Airbnb and felt such relief finally sleeping in a comfortable bed. On my way home, I stopped by a friend's farm, and despite being disappointed with those people, I admired the beauty of the house and the surroundings so much.

I am in my hometown where I grew up, the place I've tried to escape from so many times, starting over from scratch each time, yet it draws me back like a magnet. Four months ago, I was feeling frustrated, on the brink of a nervous breakdown and depression. I didn't succeed, didn't find a job, only built my bunker halfway, and sold the solar system at a loss. My grandmother is now weaker and sicker than four months ago. She's been diagnosed with heart arrhythmia, has had two heart attacks, lives in pain in her legs and spine, and still worries about my future. But my birthday and Easter together were beautiful. My mom and grandma are wonderful women with big hearts. My mom works full-time, sometimes visiting my grandmother when she can. My grandma is alone most of the time. She's the most amazing person in my life. In our 36 years of friendship, I've never seen a shadow of negativity in her. She loved her flawed alcoholic husband who cheated on her and was drunk every day. She never condemned me even when I was lost in my life, almost leaving no hope that I could change anything. She gave me so much support in the hardest times, and without it, it would have been over long ago. I walk around this town and see sharper, think sharper, have more energy and motivation even if carrying hard emotions inside. I am stronger. I feel both immense sadness and immense gratitude for every experience, both the hardest and the most beautiful. I am grateful and thinking optimistically even if my way to happiness must be still difficult and long. I'm not sure what I'll do next, but I will do my best trying to not complain, not focusing on dark sides but looking on the brights.

When I was a teenager, I became seriously interested in finding out what life was all about and how the universe works. I remember the quote from Stefen Hawkins who famously said, "My goal is simple. It is a complete understanding of the universe, why it is as it is and why it exists at all."

I had a similar motivation but after studying astrophysics and high energy physics I found that understanding what life is all about was missing in these studies.

Life was like a field permeating the universe just like gravity that is influencing all form and structures inside.

So I shifted my attention into the more eastern studies like Buddhism and Hinduism. This led me through some profound insights and realizations. Among others, the state of full self-realization, that basically entails realizing there is no individual self.

After thousands upon thousands of hours in meditation, with tantra, self-inquiry, kriya yoga and reading and studying all the different religions, realizations and accomplishments, it became clear to me that ultimately if one continues dissolving all stress, pain, emotions, problems and karma, one will end up dissolving his or her own body into light. This is called the rainbow body state or soruba samadhi.

Well, this really caught my interest so I got initiated into Dzogchen Buddhism and all my energy shifted to following the path into the rainbow body, bypassing the need to experience physical death.

It became clear to me that this state is not easily accomplished in our modern day life with all the distractions and stress. So I needed to find tools to make this path easier and faster. This led me to Era of Enlightenment, using crystals and geometry and energy to speed up the process. But I also realised the obvious, what about creating more time.

This led me into studying longevity, finding new molecules to extend life expectancy. Molecules like C60, SkQ1, epitide and anti-senolitics were integrated into my diet. But also a book called the Blue Zones caught my interest. In this book, 5 zones on earth were investigated where people became extremely old. To make a long story short, basically living together, having a purpose in life and a positive outlook with good physical exercise is the answer to extend life.

Well, I wanted to put this into action, so my plans were starting up a community in Crete with my family and friends.

But I still wanted to make the road to the rainbow body go faster. This led me into researching other spiritual groups that work with plant medicine. After some years of studying and experiencing these types of retreats it became clear that there is one masterplant that speeds up this kundalini process unlike any other plant or technique. That plant was the iboga plant.

Iboga in combination with Dzogchen meditation and the EoE crystals was the answer. Nothing faster exists on the planet.

After 30 years of deep meditation, with the EoE crystals and iboga I came to the point where the realization dawned that all is life. There is no such thing as an individuel, or soul or spirit. Life is free and joyous in all its expressions.

Now we come to the part of Mama Aline.

But all the iboga retreats outside Gabon I was missing something and that was authentic love. There was too much attention on money.

So I wanted to know how it actually is in deep Gabon. Soon I realized that there was a mix of nima's and that there is strong competition between one and another. Especially those nima's that are focused on the financial aspect of things were very competitive. But this also meant lack of authentic love and best wishes for everyone.

But I also encountered a couple of fully enlightened nima's, such as Adumangana, Mapunza, Minga, Papa Nziengui and the most amazing of them all, Mama Aline.

Now with Mama Aline I have seen what Iboga can do when there is only love.

Just being in her village you feel like you are already surrounded by the iboga energy. But it is not scary or stressful at all compared to the other locations as you feel this energy is carried in love.

During the initiation and after as well you really feel this care and love carrying you through this process.

Also, the fresh iboga and the deep jungle sounds were amazing.

But the most impressive and impactful part of the initiation happened after I returned home.

Here was my writeup after my insight:

I have come to realize now that the initiation did a lot more for me than I initially thought.

For those who know me well, I was very focused on starting or joining a community in Crete and was making many first steps but also ran into many problems. Among others, I wanted to share our energies, share the knowledge of Bwiti, and be with like-minded people. Well, the direction of this community idea in Crete took another turn towards family, living together with Litsa's brother, sister, and mother. Now, this is very nice, but my spiritual plans were not fitting. I did not see any real solution until last week when it suddenly dawned upon me that my incredible motivation to help Mama Aline's place, something I could not rationally explain, comes from an energy outside of me (ego) and was showing me that what I really want, which I cannot explain, is already taking root and flowering right in front of my eyes.

Yes, I now understand that my drive for a community is already taking place at Mama Aline's place. This fits my future dreams perfectly. I am not planning on moving to Gabon, but more like creating a spiritual community next to a family community.

I had a talk with her about it, and she said that the spirits already told her and are welcoming me from the other side (I say other side as in not the logical brain side).

Now, my realization with all the years of deep meditation was that in the end, only life remains, like a force field similar to gravity. But I slowly come to realize that something else is steering life in certain directions, and I can only explain this as divine, or as Mama Aline calls it, the spirit in life.

So, what I gained after the ceremony was not only a family connection in Gabon that I value most dearly but also a new and deeper insight into life and its driving forces. It is not all random and purposeless.

I want to express my deepest gratitude for the profound experience I had with Mama Aline. Throughout my healing journey, I've explored various retreats and healing methods, but nothing compared to the transformative power of Mama Aline's approach. Being in the presence of Mama Aline, Papa Jean-Claude, and the village community was an experience beyond anything I had known before.

Their gentle yet deeply impactful approach to healing allowed me to navigate through deep traumas and realizations without overwhelming distress. The profound work they do operates on such a profound level, gently guiding me towards significant transformations without pushing me over the edge or subjecting me to unnecessary suffering.

Even three months after the retreat, I continue to feel the profound effects of their guidance and initiation. My life is unfolding in beautiful ways, and I attribute much of this transformation to the work of Mama Aline and Papa Jean-Claude. They are undoubtedly the most powerful healers I have encountered, and I am deeply grateful for the profound impact they have had on my life.

Embarking on this journey with them allowed me to discover aspects of myself I never knew existed and to address deep layers of identification and trauma. I am forever grateful for the opportunity to undergo such a profound transformational experience that has helped me find myself in ways I never thought possible.

A journey of rebirthing into being.
From Genesis to Revelations,
From the void of avoidance
Into a conscious reverence
For the constellations
From the long story of denial and fear,
Being cleansed and released
Into writing history through poetry
A tissue issue
Shifted into the simplicity
Of living the art of the heart
And from the heart, vibrating
The art of living well and happy.

Under construction

Under construction

What a special experience that was! I joined Mama Aline with my partner and friends for the Elombo initiation. We spent 11 days there with the whole family of Mama Aline and Papa Jean Claude.

Each day I felt more at home there, and each day I felt the connection with them increase. There were 11 of us who wanted to be initiated, so it went in two groups. The initiation is like you see a ritual on TV. First, a day of preparation in which you are assigned a "mama." She guides you during your initiation. I experienced a smoke bath for the first time. I thought that would be very intense, but it was very doable. We were given different clothes during the process. We were washed in the sacred river, all that surrounded by chanting and music. Our faces were painted. It was all new and it also felt very safe and familiar.

The process was beautiful. It took place in the decorated temple. I lay there and I thought: What a privilege that I get to lie here with everyone here supporting our initiation, singing at the top of their voices, making music, sympathizing. The celebration continued well into the night. Really great! The process, of course, went on longer. My process was light and happy during the initiation.

The next morning I found myself in anger, sadness, and fear. And when that was resolved, it became lighter. I got the confrontations with myself and my theme in that was "the fear of not being good enough." I was allowed to experience that in different ways. A second process, rebirth, followed. That too was a beautiful ritual in red colors, everyone face-painted, and party again.

Now, back home, I find that I am taking steps in my work that I did not take before my journey because I was afraid I would not do it well. Very interesting. It's much more on the flow now. I am very glad I went to Gabon and did the initiation with Mama Aline. I am growing and the connection with Mama Aline and the spirit remains. I have a spiritual family there and that feels very rich.